I really felt bad for Milhouse during this entire episode.

Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.

Now it's time for the easiest part of any coach's job. The cuts ...

"I got it used from the Navy. You could flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds."

How I have waited for this day

"Carnies built this country- the carnival part of it, anyway- and though they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men."

Now I must tell you, kids, Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won’t be saying anything, or doing anything.

Freddy Quimby was with me the entire night in question. We were collecting canned goods for the starving people in, you know of them loser countries.

I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be fine just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

Dad, can we have $183,000?

Whoops, sorry son! I didn’t know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown

"Dental plan, Lisa needs braces"

What's the matter with your face? Is that a fake nose? Are you wearing chin putty? I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO THESE WILD ALLEGATIONS!

The Leader is good, the Leader is great. We surrender our will as of this date.

Unused joke from The Simpsons episode "The Heartbroke Kid".

Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer Simpson, smiling politely

“There's nothing to be ashamed of here. Today, male flight attendants-- or stewards-- are common.”

Been singing this all weekend… 🎵My Bratwurst has a first name it’s F.R.I.T.Z.

"Well the results came back today. You owe me $70 billion dollars. No, wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft. You owe me $14 billion."

Now, Bob, uh, your graduate degrees more than qualify you to be assistant janitor

Hello. This is Homer Simpson, a.k.a. Happy Dude. The court has ordered me to call every person in town to apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power.

"We're here! We're queer! We don't want any more bears!"

Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The children are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms at once!

Boy I sure could go for 100 tacos right about now!

"Wow, Bart! We're just like Woodward and Bernstein!" "Yeah except their dad wasn't sitting in the car reading Archie comics."

"Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course and I forgot how to drive?" "That's because you were drunk!" "And how!"

"Seymour!" "Superintendent! I was just, uh... stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise - care to join me?"

Haw haw! Hey, that hurts. No wonder no one came to my birthday party.

Cmon Lenny I need four more people to fill my Super Bowl bus, whaddaya say?

Best picture of all time. Homer looking at the stars

Hang on kid. I got a tack in my head

Oh yeah. A dog like this you have to feed every day

"The other day Milhouse told me my meat loaf sucks. He must have gotten that from Bart because they certainly never use that word on TV."

I’m a grown man but this always hits me right in the feels. Homer is such a legend

Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai 3 finger Brown!

Anybody else prefered blonde young Abe? That way Bart, Lisa and Maggie being blonde had sense. I know Cyrus Simpson was blonde but never got if he was canon

Do you ever drink to escape from reality?

Barclays, Barry, Bert…Bort???

They love Itchy, they love Scratchy, one kid seems to *LOVE* the Speedo Man... what more do they want???

I'm feeling kind of low Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?